


Officer Material

by SinBin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: FN-2187 grows a heart, and doesn't want to be, finn is a deadly stormtrooper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 09:37:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16238975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinBin/pseuds/SinBin
Summary: FN-2187 is officer material. He is efficient and meticulous. That's why he is the one who discovers the hidden transmission before anyone else.That is not why he doesn't report it.He has been told his entire life that he might be officer material. This is the first time he thinks he might want to be something else.





	Officer Material

FN-2187 is officer material. FN-2187, as a result, is spending the next half rotation as a technician. Last half rotation was spent on the range, the one before that in the kitchen.

It is imperative that an officer understand every aspect of his post.

So FN-2187 is in Control Room 56, transcribing a report from Captain Kasson to General Hux at Starkiller Base. He is having trouble typing through the thick gloves that is part of a Stormtrooper's uniform. He is scanning lines of code for mistakes as he goes.

A good Stormtrooper is efficient and meticulous.

He presses send on the report, watches it blink as it goes through. He sighs internally. His back aches from the upright position he is forcing it to assume, especially after that morning's training.

A good Stormtrooper shows no pain. He has been sitting ramrod straight for eight hours.

He goes to turn off his station but, as his glove touches the switch, a new communication comes through. He frowns at it. It is 2315, fifteen minutes after the auxiliary Control Rooms are supposed to go dark. The missive is urgent, he reasons. It must be. No good Stormtrooper would send a non-urgent communication at this hour.

FN-2187 is officer material so he does not turn off his station. Instead, he opens the new missive and blinks at the lines of encryption and code that scrolls across his screen.

That... can't be correct.

It is a work order from First Order Base 109-b, detailing the need for immediate maintenance on a garbage chute. There are several issues with this.

One, First Order Base 109-b is an older base and is planet-based. Planet-based bases do not have garbage chutes, FN-2187 knows. Instead, they have pyres located a regulatory distance away.

Two, a work order for 109-b is to be sent to 109-a, the servicing hub for that planet. It is not to be sent to FN-2187 who is, to say the least, in a separate system altogether.

Three, a work order is not an urgent communication. It should not have been sent after 2300.

FN-2187 scans the code at the bottom. He frowns again, the expression safe behind his helmet even if he is the only one currently in the room. The stamp at the bottom states that the file is nearly ten times the size it should be for a work order.

There is another missive then, not visible in the first layer. He cautiously pecks at a few buttons and runs a diagnostic. The stamp is not incorrect-- there is too much in this file for the work order.

 It shows that there is a supplementary communication that has already been archived in... Decommission Records? No one checks Decommission Records and no one would think to open a document labeled "Auxiliary Troops JY."

A good Stormtrooper knows that they are expendable. A good Stormtrooper knows that only the glory of the First Order will be remembered.

FN-2187 accesses the archived document. His brow tightens.

He reads:

_Fiver was decommissioned today. The Captain said she was defective. That she was harboring resentment towards the First Order and had to be decommissioned for the good of us all._

_Fiver was a bad Stormtrooper._

_I know I am defective for writing this. I know some 'trooper will find this and report me for my disobedience. I know that a Stormtrooper is meant to be without emotion._

_Fiver cared. She gave her meal portions to younger 'troopers. She helped up BX-7658 when he fell during training. She touched my hand when the Captain sent me to reconditioning. Then she did it again when I came back._

_I can still feel her touch through my armor. It feels warm. It feels like I am--- like I am not who I am._

_Fiver was kind. Kind. They teach us so many words but that is one I don't think they've ever said. Kind._

_It is such a big word. A weighty word. And still it does nothing to describe what Fiver was._

_Fiver was my best friend._

_I am alone._

FN-2187's heart is pounding. He does not know why. He is still sitting down and he has not experienced any strenuous activity in the past eight and a half standard hours.

_I am alone._

His heart is pounding and there is an ache in his throat. He can't stop staring at the word "alone." The Stormtrooper that wrote this is alone. Alone.

FN-2187 breathes in harshly, trying to get enough air into his lungs. This is... this is treason. What this other Stormtrooper has written is treason. That makes this other Stormtrooper a traitor.

FN-2187 is officer material. He knows what he must do. He knows he must dismantle the communication until he discovers the identity of the other Stormtrooper. He knows he must report the other's identity to Captain Kasson. He knows he then must transcribe Captain Kasson's report to the superior officer at Base 109-b. He knows that that superior officer will then give the order for this Stormtrooper to be brought before him.

He knows that this Stormtrooper will be decommissioned.

His hands are on the keys he needs to press.

He does not press them.

He slowly presses other keys, scanning for errors afterwards. He closes the archived document. He erases his actions.  He turns off his station.

He does not know if the other Stormtrooper will ever see what he has written. He hopes they do. He does not know if hope does the First Order any good. He does not think it does.

He has written:

 _I am sorry_.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

It is, again, 2315. FN-2187 is the last Stormtrooper in Control Room 56. He is about to turn off his station.

And yet--

He opens archives. He finds Decommissions. He locates the document called "Auxiliary Troops JY."

There is the original communication. Then his pitiful three words. And then--

His heart begins to pound although he has, once again, not been involved in a strenuous activity.

The other Stormtrooper has written:

_Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you._

_Force, thank you._

_Thank you._

_Who are you? Please, who are you?_

_Thank you._

FN-2187 feels...warm. There is an uncomfortable pressure behind his eyes and yet he does not mind. There is a similar pressure in his chest.

He wants to tell the other Stormtrooper, he realizes. He wants to show that he too is defective. He wants more than anything to know more about kindness.

He writes:

_I am officer material._

_I am on my technician rotation._

_I received your message._

_Will you tell me more about Fiver?_

He closes archives. He deletes his actions. He turns off his station.

He hopes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

He reads:

_You're officer material? Then why are you not reporting me?_

_Tell me and I will tell you about Fiver._

FN-2187 stares at the words. He is hurting although he is still sitting ramrod straight. Today they learned how to recover themselves should they be dropped in a water mass.

The armor is heavy. It took FN-2187 straight to the bottom with half a lungful of air.

When he emerged, his lungs were full of water and he vomited inside his helmet.

He rolled onto all fours and stood. A good Stormtrooper does not show weakness.

He knows that not all Stormtroopers made it out of the water.

FN-2187 is officer material. He made it out and retained his blaster.

The oxygen deprivation is still making him feel shaky and out of sorts. He had not been able to eat his allocation of nutrition bar. He had not been able to force himself into the refresher after training.

He is feeling soft and something indescribable because-- because--

Not all Stormtroopers made it out of the water.

He writes:

_Today, I realized that I have been drowning my entire life. There is still water in my lungs and I don't think it will ever go away._

_I realized that we will never be remembered. There are Stormtroopers at the bottom of a lake and I do not remember their faces nor their designations._

_I wish I had touched their hands. I wish they had felt warm as they died. I know they did not._

_I am alone._

He closes archives. He deletes his actions. He turns off his station.

There is something inside of his chest that aches differently than his lungs. He think it might be his heart.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

He reads:

_I believe you._

_Fiver wasn't remembered. I mean. She didn't stand out. She could run and use a blaster and they put her in unloading to keep her out of the way._

_She didn't like her designation. The first time she smiled at me was when I called her Fiver. I didn't mean too-- I was tired and her designation was long. But I was glad I did. I'd never seen a smile before her._

_It made me feel warm too, like the time she touched my hand. It made me feel like an officer. Not one in a million Stormtroopers. She made me feel like a person instead of a soldier._

_No one will remember her besides me. She was a traitor and defective._

_She was kind._

_I think... I think the best way to remember her is to be kind. Spread the warmth she gave everyone around her. She was brave._

_I never knew a Stormtrooper could be brave but she was. Kind and brave. Now there are two words for her. Maybe that's how we can remember her too._

FN-2187 reads the communication over and over again. He knows he is cutting into his sleep and he knows he will not recover adequately without rest.

He does not feel tired. Underneath his helmet, his eyes are wide.

Him? Kind? Brave? He has never thought-- he couldn't--

He can't be kind. He can't be brave. He is officer material. He can't smile. He can't touch other Stormtroopers' gloves.

He is officer material.

But-

But.

He wants to be.

He nearly dents the console closing the archives. He almost forgets to erase his actions and, heart (heart _heart_ ) in his throat, manages it with a shortcut that is not regulation.

He turns off his station like he is retreating at a superior officer's command.

FN-2187 stands in the middle of Control Room 56, heart pounding, chest heaving.

He wants. He _wants_.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FN-2187 is one of the top Stormtroopers in every area. He can run while carrying upwards of 150 pounds while in armor. He can hit a moving target. He is proficient in hand to hand. He knows how to identify an infiltrator. He can withstand more than 72 hours of physical duress, enough time to decommission himself should he need to protect information. He picks up new skills easily and efficiently. He knows how to obey.

He knows how to obey.

He is a weapon, a tool to be used by the First Order. Every breath he takes is for the glory of the First Order. Every laudable skill he has is to better serve the First Order.

It does not explain this strange _yearning_ he has been feeling.

He thinks about Fiver every day although he has not communicated with the mysterious Stomrtrooper from 109-b since his last missive.

 He thinks about how she smiled. How she helped.

He can't stop thinking and it is cracking something deep inside.

He wants to feel that warmth the other Stormtrooper described. He wants to know what a smile looks like.

"GX-2003," Captain Kasson snaps. FN-2187's helmet snaps around to see that GX-2003 has failed. He is pinned by a younger Stormtrooper, one barely through a dozen rotations.

GX-2003 is an exemplary Stormtrooper. He is the biggest of his year, towering over FN-2187.  He is proficient in hand to hand and rarely loses.

He has been pinned by a younger Stormtrooper six times this rotation.

This is not a coincidence.

FN-2187 does not like to fight soldiers smaller than he is. He knows what his bigger body can do even without all of the extra experience his 20 rotations provides him.

He does not let them win like GX-2003 does.

"GX-2003," Captain Kasson repeats. "Report for reconditioning, at 1400."

"Affirmative," GX-2003 says. His voice shakes. He is not a good Stormtrooper.

But, FN-2187 realizes, he is a kind one.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

FN-2187 is the first out of the refresher. He is always first since the water training. He is no longer relaxed by the icy spray or the ritual of removing contaminants from his body. He knows, as officer material, that this is a good thing. Enjoyment is not efficient.

He dresses quickly and does not hesitate to replace his helmet. His technician shift is due to begin shortly and he is required to consume half a nutrition bar before then.

He turns to exit the barracks and stops. GX-2003 is sitting on his bunk, gloved hands pressed together. He is hunched over them and his head is bowed. He is wearing his helmet and it is dragging his head down, down, down.

FN-2187 does not know what he's doing.

That is actually false.

It is false because he knows he is walking. He is walking over to GX-2003's bunk. He is stopping in front of the other Stormtrooper.

GX-2003 looks up. His spine snaps straight.

"FN-2187," he says.

FN-2187 does not say anything. Instead he kneels. He sees himself from very far away, kneeling in front of GX-2003 so that their helmets are on the same level.

Then, slowly, he reaches out. GX-2003 is still, so still, and he does not move as FN-2187 takes his hand.

GX-2003 is so still and tense that, for a moment, FN-2187 fears that he will report him. That GX-2003 will approach Captain Kasson and he will tell him, tell him that FN-2187 is not officer material, that he is defective--

GX-2003 almost seems to deflate, his spine melting. His helmet taps lightly against FN-2187's until the forehead pieces are pressed tightly together.

Then, most shockingly, GX-2003 turns his hand over and _holds FN-2187's hand back_.

It's odd, so odd, to be touching without violence, without the clinical detachedness that has been trained into them. FN-2187 can feel the warmth of the other's hand through the thick gloves and, with their proximity, he can hear the other's shaking breath.

There are words bubbling up inside of FN-2187, secret words that he has not said or thought in many rotations. Words that he whispered to himself at night, nursing throbbing joints and muscles where no superior officer could see him.

He says "You will be okay."

A Stormtrooper exits the refresher and, like that, FN-2187 is out the door to his station. He does not look back at GX-2003, he looks neither left or right.

His heart is pounding and his face is flushed beneath his helmet. There are clouds beneath his feet and a buoyancy in his chest.

He'd done it. He'd been _kind._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Fifteen minutes after Control Room 56 is supposed to be dark, FN-2187 accesses the archived document he had not opened for several days.

Inside, he reads:

_Hello?_

_Please, respond soon._

FN-2187 feels... guilt for not responding. It's another, strange emotion that he hasn't felt before. He knows shame intimately but he does not know guilt until this moment.

He does not like it.

He writes:

_I'm sorry for being silent for so long. I was...conflicted. It is hard to want something when all your life it is considered bad._

_Today, I was kind._

_I touched another Stormtroopers hand before he went to reconditioning._

_He held my hand back._

_I'm going to continue being kind. I know that one day I will end up like Fiver but maybe that's the best troopers like us can hope for. To change someone else, just a little bit. To make them kind. And then to die._

He exits out of archives. He erases his actions. He turns off his station.

He feels...warm.

\------------------

He is being reassigned. This rotation is up and FN-2187 must go on to his next position to become an officer.

He wishes he could read one last message from the other Stormtrooper. He hopes the other is not dead.

Neither of these thoughts are beneficial to the Order. FN-2187 feels a thrill when he realizes that he doesn't care.

This rotation, he is assigned to Sanitation on Star Destroyer Finalizer. He is to report to Captain Phasma who will assign him to a unit. FN-2187 goes promptly when they land because he is--

"Officer material," Captain Phasma says, examining his file. "We'll see about that."

FN-2187, if he could feel fear, would be afraid of Captain Phasma.

(He can.)

(He does.)

(But...)

(He's been afraid before.)

"Yes, Captain Phasma," FN-2187 says. _We will_ , he does not say. He is no longer officer material, he knows.

He's warm.


End file.
